


Programming Liabilities and a Pot Lid

by DonttellmybrotherIwrotethis



Series: Linkguistics [2]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Gen, Humor, Language Barrier, Linkguistics, Misunderstandings, Out of Date Anti-Maliceware, Ten-Thousand Year Old Link
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23507548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonttellmybrotherIwrotethis/pseuds/DonttellmybrotherIwrotethis
Summary: In the days immediately before the Calamity struck, the Champions and Zelda take the Link from ten-thousand years ago to the castle. Link suffers the pain and anguish of someone watching people ruin perfectly good machines. Administrator overrides are found to be somewhat ineffective when the machine won't take spoken commands.
Series: Linkguistics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691452
Comments: 14
Kudos: 68





	Programming Liabilities and a Pot Lid

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read Linkguistics, this is in the same setting.

Zelda, although worried about the fragility of the deception regarding Link, had to admit it was nice her father was in a better mood now that the Master Sword had a master.

Link, in spare clothes borrowed from archaeologists, was not paying much attention to the language lessons Mipha was trying to give. Ever since the dig site, his resemblance to a lost puppy had intensified. He morosely stared at everything except Zelda. The Champions, Zelda, and the incredibly suspicious weirdo were following Rhoam through the castle as he barked orders to staff in preparation for presenting the aforementioned weirdo to the public. Link still had no idea what anyone was saying. Daruk had to retrieve Link when he'd almost followed some footmen to polish floors.

Now they were in the king's private study where thick stone walls separated the group of seven from the commotion in the castle. Zelda accidentally let her mind drift off into solutions for this mess as the Speech Lecture Preamble made everyone else feel like they were personally responsible for being perfect models of princess behavior. (Link didn't know the words but he did know the tone. He was now anxious about posture without knowing why. He also had the urge to do a formal curtsy. Rhoam had skill.) Zelda's mind was forced back to the matter at hand.

"...I must admit I have no idea what this boy, Link is saying either. How, and where, did you find this boy, Zelda? Tell me how the sword came into his possession."

 _Daruk chucked the pedestal at his face after he crawled out of a portal to the netherworld._ "We had left the Spring of Courage and found him wandering among the trees. The sword seemed to be reacting to his presence so we put down the pedestal and he pulled on it." She decided that was less awkward than telling Rhoam they had dropped it somewhere and Link had picked it up while they were coming back to look for it.

"You say that the researchers believe him to be writing in the Ancient Hylian language? That doesn't make sense..."

Urbosa helped the princess so she didn't have to come up with a theory while keeping the lies straight. "Maybe his speech was cursed?" This was a theory about as plausible as any they had come up with. It was more believable than Link being thousands of years old or a time traveler. Those explanations had not occurred to them yet.

* * *

In the castle courtyard, Purah gushed to Zelda about the workings of a Guardian as both women inspected the mechanical nooks and crannies. Link, closely watched by the Champions, kept saying a few things as Revali kept trying to silence the annoying mystery boy. They were waiting for the King and it was as good of an excuse as any for Zelda to mess with technology.

Mipha and Urbosa looked at Link as he stared at the courtyard where the Sheikah were starting on lunch. Mipha wondered aloud what was on Link's mind. Urbosa wagered that he was thinking about food on the grounds that he was a young man whose breakfast was interrupted. He would be interested in the veggie cream soup.

Link was now getting irritated; not only did people not understand what he was saying, but they also refused all of his attempts to show them how to operate the machines. From the looks of this makeshift workshop, no one knew a thing about the TI-84 stalker models. Or any other model of Guardian bots for that matter.

Link said, "Lo okyoud onth avetobr ut efor ceit. A llyo uhavetodo toop ent heba ckpan elis-"

The Rito glared at him again. "Oh do be quiet. I didn't think it was possible for you to make a greater fool-"

Link realized this was going nowhere. He sighed and walked to the nearest machine. He felt a firm yank on his borrowed shirt as he reached over to the start command rune. He looked backwards to see a furious Zelda and trying to explain what he was doing with hand motions and tone did nothing to help. She only looked more irritated as Link kept talking. Daruk and Mipha seemed to be trying to calm her down but to no avail. Link couldn't say. The language barrier felt insurmountable. Link groaned as he spotted a researcher handling a core without gloves on.

"Com eon, atle astl e tmec hec kifthe anti-Maliceware i supt oda te."

Revali glared at Link and whispered, "Shut up, demon."

The woman prying open open an ocular laser module with a crowbar was the final straw. Link finally snapped and reached for the module."Ohco me on! Th atsh oul dhaveb eeno nlya fewseco nds."

Zelda stepped in between Link and the machine. "Don't you dare touch anything else, you brute!"

Purah said, "Well, maybe he knows something and we should listen for a moment." She hadn't been told yet by Zelda how they'd found Link and why he would absolutely NOT be trusted. They hadn't had a private moment to fill her in.

"I'llop enth epan el, ijus tw antto che ckifthe anti-Maliceware isu pt oda te." Link, before Zelda realized what was going on, marched to the nearest unit. He was removing the ocular unit with a quick twist and sharp tap on the lens right as soon as he got there. This rash course of action backfired as Urbosa yanked him off and Link dropped the lens in the grass.

Zelda slapped Link before picking up the lens.

Normally, this wasn't a dangerous course of action as Link would rather have gutted himself than hurt a Zelda. What was the problem, was that an active Guardian had seen the interaction and was programmed with Link solidly in the 'Protect At All Costs' classification. Link had thought that was overkill but the Zelda of ancient times had been in charge of this batch. She'd been thorough about the programming.

**Beep.**

A little red dot was projected on an oblivious Zelda. Link didn't notice at first.

**Beep beep.**

Zelda said, "Wow! What is this for? Purah, are you seeing this!? Amazing!"

**Beep beep beep.**

Link had heard a beep of an attack laser charging and looked around. Had a monster appeared somewhere? This place was guarded and unlikely to have anything around...

**Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep.**

He looked at the source of the beep, traced the trajectory of the sightline, and promptly began to scream.

All chaos broke loose.

* * *

King Bosphoramous Hyrule sat at the desk and mused about everything and especially the enigma that was Link. Urbosa's theory seemed like the most probable cause of Link's speech problems. Why else would a young man be speaking in the archaic language but have no idea how to speak modern Hylian? There was something else bothering him about how Revali and Zelda kept looking at Link. Urbosa and Mipha were mostly at ease but the King could tell they didn't trust him one-hundred percent. That was natural given how little they knew of Link. Daruk was at ease but that was Daruk. He treated volcanic eruptions with the same level of gravitas as one would treat a spill on the tapestry.

Revali and Zelda hated Link. It didn't take a staggering level of insight to figure that one out.

As the King's pensive musing continued he heard some beeping from outside above the voices of researchers and knights. He stood up immediately as he heard someone screaming and ran to the window as crashes, yelling, and explosions resounded through the air. The vast amount of dust and smoke blocked his view so the King pulled a number of bodyguards into his impressive wake and headed to the courtyard. (He didn't run, Kings don't do running. That would have started a political upheaval.)

The scene in the courtyard was even more chaotic than the noises but things had changed from the sounds of battle to people yelling at each other. Half of a pot lid lay in front of the king and smoked like a freshly toasted rock roast. Daruk was holding Link in the air with both hands as Revali kept pointing a shock arrow at Link.

Revali's bow was in the claws of a Guardian which beeped tauntingly at him. Revali was going back and forth between trying to take back the bow and trying to kill Link. A researcher was pleading with Revali to put the arrow down.

Mipha was following around as Daruk kept moving Link away from Revali and trying to reach the shaft of an ice arrow in Link's back. Contrary to her normal benign countenance, she seemed angry at Link and was lecturing him, Daruk, and Revali at the same time.

Urbosa had Zelda behind strategic cover and glaring at the wreckage of a Guardian as if contemplating wasting magic to incinerate it into smaller smithereens. Knights were surrounding Zelda in a protective formation and two had their weaponry being pulled away from them in the same way Revali had his bow stolen. It was a comical sight watching spears confiscated by the strange machines in a firm manner.

Link? Link was complaining to the world at large as Daruk waved Link around like an indignant reverse shield. Link was more annoyed by the people than he was from the arrow sticking out of his back.

"Look, n oneo fthis woul dhavehap pene d ifyo uju s tletm efixst uff!"

"I'm going to kill that slime! Let me shoot him, Daruk! Give back my bow, you insidious, defective-"

"Hold STILL! How did nobody notice the machine was trying to aim for Zelda? She could have been killed! Link could have died if I hadn't been stabbing him-"

"Hey, can we just take a moment to calm down and sort things out?"

"He just saved your tail with that pot lid Revali! That was the coolest thing I have ever seen!"

"He destroyed that valuable and irreplaceable artifact!"

**"Beep."**

"My Guardian! YOU KILLED IT! YOU FIEND!

"Letm ech eckth esettings! Wai tnoon eund erstands mebu tthe robo ts, sow hyami bothe ring?"

The King of Hyrule bellowed after he recovered. He did so in a kingly manner that wasn't raising his voice but, at the same time, it was raising his voice. Everyone stopped and looked at the King. Even the Guardian froze in place with Revali playing tug of war on the bow. (One person didn't freeze and that was Urbosa. She was a Chieftain and had a low opinion of Rhoam to boot.) Link dangled from Daruk's grip and Mipha took the opportunity to sneak her hand over and yank out the arrow.

She healed Link as Urbosa explained the situation. "One of the Guardians started to target the Princess and Link was the first to notice. Unfortunately, no one understood him and he tackled Zelda, which looked like an attack. Mipha reacted by pinning Link which actually saved his life as otherwise, Revali's ice arrow would have pierced Link's heart. Most of the noise was your knights reacting to protect Zelda and the sound of the Guardian here attacking..." Urbosa pointed at the wreckage.

Revali and a few others seemed to disagree with Urbosa. A few of the bystanders were making nods of agreement as Urbosa told King Rhoam about the Guardians trying to laser Revali in revenge for hurting Link.

Link nodded in agreement even though he hadn't the foggiest idea what Urbosa was saying about him. She had a calm and authoritative voice. It seemed safe to agree with her. He made a mental note to, even if they tried to confiscate it, swipe a shield at the earliest opportunity.

**Author's Note:**

> This took way to long to write and I deleted a large chunk of nonsensical action scene. I didn't know where to put this in Linkguistics and I didn't want to add another chapter. If you think of a better title, I'm all ears.


End file.
